_ As I consider prayer in the midst of what is a time of wilderness, in almost every aspect of my life and work, for me.   I realize that it's disconcerting to pray in the middle of the wilderness. I wonder if it is really wise for me to close my eyes or turn my back even for a moment on this place that I do not know, but have found myself led into. Is it safe to trust this place? What might I find if I settle in for some reflection? Will I even survive it? Here in the midst of the cacophony of voices, ideas, possibilities, and opportunities I wonder how to choose a place to focus. And by choosing do I follow that way instead of the others? These questions, among others, fill my thoughts and my heart so that it is difficult for me to conceive of any capacity to focus...

So I sought out words in a place I trust for guidance and direction.  On Sunday, December 4, 2011 the Biblical text came from Isaiah 40:1-11, here is an excerpt that particularly speaks to me. (With my somewhat snarky musing to follow...)

Isaiah: A voice cries out: “In the wilderness prepare the way of the Lord, make straight in the desert a highway for our God. Every valley shall be lifted up, and every mountain and hill be made low; the uneven ground shall become level, and the rough places a plain. Then the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all people shall see it together, for the mouth of the Lord has spoken.” A voice says, “Cry out!” And I said, “What shall I cry?” All people are grass, their constancy is like the flower of the field. The grass withers, the flower fades, when the breath of the Lord blows upon it; surely the people are grass. The grass withers, the flower fades; but the word of our God will stand forever.

Me:These words are all well and good when they aren't directed at me. “Cry out!” Sure Prophet, it's so easy for you...you know what to say and to whom you should say it! You know your place in the story and the role you play for and with your people. But I am just somebody out in the middle of nowhere (everywhere) trying to find my way home or at the very least anywhere but here! And yet you invite me to have clarity of voice...to cry out as if I have something to say when I can't even find my own way!!  How is you imagine I have any idea of how to proceed?!?!

When I finally take a breath, I remember the beginning of my journey with the Divine.  When I began to travel on this road I didn't intend to follow my own path instead I wanted to follow God's path. Where is it that Jesus is going and how can I go with him? What does it look like for me to follow him in these moments where I find myself?  Maybe I should try to look at this wilderness from that perspective...maybe it is important that I focus not on the choices before me but on God. Trusting that God will give me the words to say, if they are needed, and the path to choose when it is time to make a choice.

It isn't all that glamorous or thrilling to find a mostly comfortable place to sit, breath, and listen for God when everything looks terribly prickly. (See photo below of Arizona Desert that I visited in Nov 2011 for a study tour of immigration, my image of wilderness as I reflect on the spiritual wilderness)  With all the stuff around, i can't imagine making myself comfortable but I have to rest.  So I find a place, take few deep breaths, and focus on God.  In the quiet of my heart I know that this prayer will help me find my way through this wilderness towards God's promises for me and for us all. 

Rebecca